Two Hooks

So apparently I was going out with both Hook and Killian from Once Upon a Time. Well, both of them were really just Hook with two hands, but while Hook had short hair, Killian had longer hair in a ponytail. As I was going out my front door, I kissed Hook, but Killian saw, and got jealous. I followed him outside and told him that I was polyamorous, but he didn’t understand how it could be possible. So I explained that it was like how I could like watching Buffy, but I could also like watching the Vampire Diaries. He accepted that explanation, and we kissed.

But then I noticed that Caroline’s ring was missing, and I was wearing Elena’s instead. Killian took that to mean I was in danger, so he wrapped some rope around himself and gave me the other half, and kept saying the word “eight”. I thought that was a bit suspicious, so I tried to go back inside, but it was all shadowy and there were people in morph suits. So I wrapped the rope around my arms like a figure eight and held on. Killian said we were galloping, so I tried to gallop alongside him but failed. Caroline was apparently next to me and told me that my feet had to be flat, so I tried galloping with my feet flat on the ground, but I kept going backwards instead. By that time, Killian was way ahead of me, so I gave up on galloping and instead hot-wired a motorbike. I rode the motorbike trying to catch up to Killian, but apparently he had reached the destination months ago.

I came across Oliver, who was concerned about my riding. Despite the fact that I could stop the bike, apparently I didn’t know how to brake, as it kept making this horrible noise all the time. Oli tried to give me some tips, but I was in too much of a hurry. He also tried to ask me whether I was going too fast or too slow, but I had already left.

I rode into the park, which was just a bike path heading upwards, with trees coming out of an abyss beside it. I rode up a little bit, which was terrifying, but it was shadowy and there were people in morph suits, so I had to run away.

All of a sudden, I was at the destination, which was in the middle of the damn snow. But Hook wasn’t Hook anymore. Instead, he was Oded Fehr. And not hot ‘the Mummy’ Oded Fehr – regular short haired Oded Fehr. And Killian was all clean shaven. It was a sad day.

And the reason all of this began was because I was having a shower in a room with a giant spider in it, that produced videos about tentacle fantasies, but as a consequence would also create evil monsters. I wasn’t even the one who had turned on the giant tentacle fantasy video spider, but it clearly didn’t take that into consideration when it was creating all of those people in morph suits.

Foot-Chopping, Onwards!

In my previous post, I briefly discussed how same-sex marriage would not encourage all sorts of ‘horrifying’ relationships, including polyamory, polygamy, bestiality, and incest. I said that comparing completely different types of relationships is “like saying that by tickling someone, you’re encouraging them to chop someone else’s foot off”. In this post, I will discuss why I put the word ‘horrifying’ in quotation marks.

If multiple people want to be in a relationship, then what is so wrong with that?! They’re consenting adults. If Katie dates Jim (who also dates Claire) and Michael (who also dates Aaron), then how is that anyone else’s business besides Katie, Jim, Claire, Michael, Aaron, and anyone else they happen to be dating? No-one’s cheating on anyone. No-one’s oppressing anyone. So please, enlighten me – how is it wrong?

If you get creeped out easily, then I’d suggest running away as fast as you can. Or, you know, pressing the little X button in the corner of the screen. Because I am about to discuss incest. Objectively. I take pride in my ability to be objective about difficult issues. But anyway. When asked about incest, most people will say that it is morally wrong. When asked why, most of them will say something about the health risks posed to their children. But then they’re told the truth about health risks caused by incest – that they’re actually quite rare. Or that the incestuous couple in question don’t want children, or are infertile, or don’t want to have sex at all. But they’ll still say that incest is wrong. Ask them why again, and they’ll just go ’round in circles – “incest is wrong because… it’s just wrong”. But if an adult couple consents to incest, then there’s really nothing inherently wrong with it. The only argument against it is the squick factor.

My quotation marks didn’t include bestiality, by the way. Non-human animals can’t consent to a relationship with humans. That’s just rape.