I have a 2500 word essay due on Friday. It’s about categorical vs. dimensional approaches to diagnoses in the DSM-5, with regards to eating disorders. Yuck, I know. Especially when eating disorders are: A – boring, and B – not something we have examined in class. Unsurprisingly, I have written two sentences. I really need to work on this whole motivation thing. Especially since I chose to write that essay instead of working on Monday and Wednesday, and since I didn’t actually do any of it, I basically just paid $300 to procrastinate at home instead of at an office. Brilliant. But anyway, my time spent procrastinating wasn’t completely wasted.
In case you don’t know, I am currently studying a Bachelor of Arts with a major in psychology. Practicality says that I should want to be a psychologist after that. But there are a few small problems with that. Firstly, I don’t know what kind I want to be. Originally I wanted to be a forensic psychologist (for people who don’t know what that is, think Sweets from Bones), but those aren’t exactly in high demand. Secondly, I hate research. Research is the worst thing ever. Which not only rules out any type of research psychologist, but also makes further study – which is necessary in order to become a psychologist – extremely undesirable. And thirdly, I doubt I would even be accepted into said further study anyway. Psychology Honours is competitive, and my results are pretty damn mediocre (think around 60-70 average). So in reality, becoming a psychologist is not only looking unlikely, but also something that doesn’t really interest me, aside from being about an interesting topic.
A few years ago – maybe even not that long ago, to be honest – studying was something I felt I had to do, when really I just wanted to have a family. But lately I’ve come to realise that life really shouldn’t be about studying and then having kids, and then getting old and dying. My life should revolve around myself, not around family. So far with my life, I’ve just been playing into my family’s expectations, what with studying in order to get a job. If I did end up getting married and having kids, then that would switch into them being the priority. I would go straight from being a puppet to my parents to being a puppet to my children, without any me time in between. And you know what? I want some goddamn me time. I don’t know why I used to be so concerned with being a young mum. As long as I’m around for them, then that’s enough. In fact, I might not even have them at all. But now that I’ve gotten my priorities in order, if I do end up having them, it will be a long while away yet.
The other day I was in the city, and the Australian Defence Force was collecting donations for Legacy. I only had $4, but I went up to a man from the Army and donated anyway. I had just submitted an essay, so I was in that awesome just-having-submitted-an-essay mood. There were little rewards based on how much you donated, and I asked about this little red $2 pin, and he said I could have the $5 instead, because it was nicer. It was nicer, by the way. I think he was just happy someone finally went up to him. But anyway, I put the pin on my badge bag, and then on the tram a girl asked about what my panda badge meant! And she knew what I was talking about! Yay for recognition! But, anyway, I’m insanely off-topic right now. Back to the freakin’ Defence Force! Okay, so when I got home, I saw one of those ads about joining the Defence Force. And you know what? Being in that awesome mood, I was pretty much open to anything. So I looked up the Australian Defence Force. And I kept looking them up. I’ve been looking at the Navy’s website pretty much every day since. It must seem really bizarre for anyone who knows me (hell, it even seems really bizarre to me!), but it really feels like this is the place for me. One of their priority jobs is as a musician – and yes, they are after vocalists. Although I do believe I would have to obtain an AMusA (or equivalent) or relevant degree beforehand. And obviously I’ll need to work on my fitness. I plan to join a gym later on in the year, so I can work on my strength and stamina in order to be able to do the required push-ups, sit-ups, giant run, and (ugh) beep test. I’m all set for the swimming component though.
So yes, instead of working on an essay, I’ve been considering joining the Royal Australian Navy. And yes, it probably seems insane for someone like me to want to do something like that, but crazy isn’t always bad. Maybe it’s time to question things instead of falling into expectations people have set of me. Maybe it’s time to step up and take charge of my own life. Maybe it’s time for me to do something I can be proud of.