I’m not very good at buying presents. I never know what to get people. I think that’s probably on me, since other people seem to be perfectly adequate at buying gifts for the same people I suck at buying for. But whatever. So people I know – if your birthday is coming up, please tell me what you want, or at the very least hint at something that would work. Eventually I’ll get good at this gift-buying thing, really, I promise!
But anyway, what I don’t understand is people who have trouble buying gifts for me. I am very very easy to buy for.
- I collect badges. Seriously. I have a collection. If someone has a collection of something, a very lazy yet appreciated gift is adding to that collection. I’m not kidding. If you give me a few cheap badges (as long as they have something humorous or fandom-related or cute or awesome on them) then I will love you. If one of them happens to be a shaped pin, I may even squeal. Easy as pie.
- I spend all my money at JB HiFi. Well, until I discovered eBay. Now I spend like 90% of my money at JB. The other year I got a Christmas present from one of my very own relatives. It was a mug and a USB. Okay, I admit, the mug is pretty. And the USB has been useful. However – I already had six other mugs. And the USB only resulted in me having to delete less episodes when putting more on. Now, I’m going to estimate the price of this gift at around… $30 or so. I probably would’ve appreciated a $30 JB voucher more.
- I love fantasy. I am absolutely obsessed with everything related to the paranormal. So if you were to get me any old fantasy book or DVD or ornament or plush toy, I would make “ooooh” sounds like the aliens in Toy Story.
- I have a sweet tooth. Actually, my entire mouth is sweet. When you get someone sweets for a gift, they don’t have to be specific gift-sweets. You pay more for that shit! Instead, you could get lots of regular chocolate. For less money. Or you could buy me lots and lots of marshmallows. I flipping love that stuff.
- I wear t-shirts a lot. I have so many that it’s basically a collection. But I could always go for more. Anything nerdy or funny or cute or band-related and I’m happy. Anything non-white is fair game. I wear a men’s size medium, by the way.
And those are just last resort items that you know I’ll love. I like lots of things. Games, jewellery, scarves, bags, hats, ornaments, art, books, gift cards, money, DVDs, candles, trinkets… I feel like it would take more effort to get me a dud present than one I’d be crazy about.
Just for the record, I don’t expect presents from anyone except my family. This ranty list is aimed only at that one relative who doesn’t appear to know me much at all.
I have a question. Shouldn’t we be thinking about giving people rights before we start taking more away? The reason I ask this is because they’re discussing raising the drinking age again. They think it might help curb alcohol-related violence and whatnot. As though people who break the law whilst drinking legally are going to stop drinking because it will be illegal. Yeah… Could someone please explain the logic in that? And even more stupid – they think raising the drinking age will help stop under-age drinking.
Yeah… Doesn’t that seem a bit… pointless? I mean, people who already drink before they’re 18 aren’t exactly going to stop if the drinking age gets raised to 21. I mean, come on! Does this really seem like a realistic thing for a 15 year old to say to you? “Oh no, I’m now six years under the drinking age, instead of three! I guess I better stop drinking illegally. That’s just too illegal for me.” No. It’s not. And if you do know someone who talks like that, please tell them to crawl back into the cartoon they came from. Under-age drinking is lame. I waited until I was 18 to go out and get drunk. It makes the whole ‘turning 18’ thing worthwhile. I mean, it’s not really a milestone if nothing changes, is it?
The only thing raising the drinking age would do is punish good people. Good people like me, who wait until they’re of age before they start drinking. Good people like me, who get drunk legally. Good people like me, who don’t drink and drive (and still won’t even when they actually have a license to drive with). Good people like me, who don’t assault people. Those ‘bad’ people who do do those things? Yeah, clearly they’re still gonna do ’em.
Last night I went to a party in a spooky, Gothic castle, where I met this amazing girl. She was beautiful, and sweet, and feisty, and we really hit it off. We were chatting and flirting the entire night. Afterwards, we knew we definitely wanted to see each other again, so we exchanged phone numbers. It was only later that I realised that while I had gotten her number, I had completely forgotten to ask her name! For some reason, I couldn’t just text her or call her, so I went a bit crazy. I tried searching with her phone number on Facebook, but that didn’t turn up anything. So I tried Google, but that didn’t help either. I didn’t manage to get her name.
Later on, I was hanging around with these four guys. For some reason, we had to escape from the cops, so we stole a super-fast car in which we would be able to escape. I was having a huge feeling of deja vu, and I absolutely knew that something terrible was going to happen. We drove really far (which took basically only a few seconds), until we stopped somewhere in the country, with a random school oval on one side of the road, and a little abandoned post office on the other. When we got out of the car, one of the guys had a lump on his shoulder. I started backing away, and said “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, but you’re going to explode”. And he did. We all jumped onto the oval to avoid the splatter, and started rolling down the hill. Once we stopped rolling, we looked up to see cops coming towards us from the other side of the oval. We tried to indicate the splattered guts, but they either couldn’t see or just chose to ignore it.
The cops ignored me, and headed straight for the guys, as if I wasn’t involved in whatever they had done. I saw the girl from the party coming up behind them, and she walked over to me. She smiled at me, and took my mobile phone, and entered in her name.