Monthly Archives: June 2014

Aliens vs. Gods


I’m not sure if I’ve posted anything about religion on here before, but just in case I haven’t, I am an atheist. Sometimes when religious people want to force their beliefs onto me, they try and bring up aliens, and question how I can believe in those and not believe in gods.

Aliens are beings from elsewhere in the same universe. That universe is incredibly vast. Believing in aliens is just a matter of probability. It’s logical. In the case of aliens, not believing is the less logical option. In fact, it’s pretty damn egotistical to think that we are the only life in this vast universe.

Gods, on the other hand, operate on a different realm of being. To believe in gods, we don’t just have to look far away; We have to believe that there is a whole different universe intersecting with ours that we can’t see or otherwise interact with. And then we have to believe that there are beings in that universe who care enough about us to create us and then continue to watch over us. Furthermore, we have to believe that we were the only ones they created, and that we are important enough amongst them to have been the cause of infighting. Therefore, in the case of gods, it is belief that is egotistical.

In short, believing in aliens is logical, and not believing is egotistical, whereas believing in gods is egotistical, and not believing is logical.


E is for Idiot


No, I’m not illiterate. I just have stupid friends.

So I’m having a night out with some friends, and one of them comes across a box of tampons in the men’s bathroom. He finds this a bit odd, until he opens it and discovers, among some tampons, a condom with two little pills inside it. So what do my friends do about it? Well, two of them decide that it would be a good idea to take the pills. Yes, they decided to just take the random pills they found in a karaoke toilet.

After a while, they concluded that the pills must have been ecstasy. Thankfully they didn’t die, or go into a coma, or experience any of those other horror stories you hear about with E. But honestly, those pills could have been anything. How do I have such irresponsible friends?

Two Hooks


So apparently I was going out with both Hook and Killian from Once Upon a Time. Well, both of them were really just Hook with two hands, but while Hook had short hair, Killian had longer hair in a ponytail. As I was going out my front door, I kissed Hook, but Killian saw, and got jealous. I followed him outside and told him that I was polyamorous, but he didn’t understand how it could be possible. So I explained that it was like how I could like watching Buffy, but I could also like watching the Vampire Diaries. He accepted that explanation, and we kissed.

But then I noticed that Caroline’s ring was missing, and I was wearing Elena’s instead. Killian took that to mean I was in danger, so he wrapped some rope around himself and gave me the other half, and kept saying the word “eight”. I thought that was a bit suspicious, so I tried to go back inside, but it was all shadowy and there were people in morph suits. So I wrapped the rope around my arms like a figure eight and held on. Killian said we were galloping, so I tried to gallop alongside him but failed. Caroline was apparently next to me and told me that my feet had to be flat, so I tried galloping with my feet flat on the ground, but I kept going backwards instead. By that time, Killian was way ahead of me, so I gave up on galloping and instead hot-wired a motorbike. I rode the motorbike trying to catch up to Killian, but apparently he had reached the destination months ago.

I came across Oliver, who was concerned about my riding. Despite the fact that I could stop the bike, apparently I didn’t know how to brake, as it kept making this horrible noise all the time. Oli tried to give me some tips, but I was in too much of a hurry. He also tried to ask me whether I was going too fast or too slow, but I had already left.

I rode into the park, which was just a bike path heading upwards, with trees coming out of an abyss beside it. I rode up a little bit, which was terrifying, but it was shadowy and there were people in morph suits, so I had to run away.

All of a sudden, I was at the destination, which was in the middle of the damn snow. But Hook wasn’t Hook anymore. Instead, he was Oded Fehr. And not hot ‘the Mummy’ Oded Fehr – regular short haired Oded Fehr. And Killian was all clean shaven. It was a sad day.

And the reason all of this began was because I was having a shower in a room with a giant spider in it, that produced videos about tentacle fantasies, but as a consequence would also create evil monsters. I wasn’t even the one who had turned on the giant tentacle fantasy video spider, but it clearly didn’t take that into consideration when it was creating all of those people in morph suits.

A is for Asexual


LGBT is an acronym most people have heard of. LGBTQ is less well-known, but still pretty recognisable. LGBTQI is not so well-known. LGBTQIA even less so. But despite the fact that the more letters there are in the acronym, the more people don’t know what it means, letters still keep getting added, in order to be inclusive of as many identities as possible. And although it’s a slow process, they are becoming more and more recognisable.

But problems arise when people don’t know what the letters mean. The biggest culprit of this is the letter A. There is an incredible number of allies who claim that the A is their letter. What’s even more astounding is the number of LGBT+ groups that seem to agree with them. Now this is problematic for a number of reasons:

1. Ally is not a minority identity. It’s not really an identity at all as far as the actual LGBT+ identities are concerned. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, asexual, pansexual… They relate to sexual orientation. Trans, intersex… They relate to sex and gender. But being an ally is nothing like that. Allies have just made the decision to be decent human beings.

2. When allies claim the A as their own, it contributes to the erasure of several already fairly unknown identities, the most prominent being asexual. Allies are there to support the LGBT+ community. Pulling out the rug from under asexual, agender, and aromantic people and stepping on their faces is not very supportive.

3. It’s a goddamn paradox! Including allies in the LGBT+ acronym means that they are a part of that community. But ally by definition is a supportive third party. How can people be allies of the LGBT+ community if they’re already a part of it? Exactly, they can’t. It goes against the entire definition of the word ally. But if adding allies to the acronym removes their allyness and they disappear from the acronym in a puff of logic, then they’d just become allies again! Do people not learn this from theories of time travel? Paradoxes are bad. Stop. Making. Them.