Monthly Archives: July 2012

Celebrity Look-a-Likes Pt. 2

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17. Melinda Clarke & Polly Walker
Melinda Clarke & Polly Walker

18. Helen Hunt & Leelee Sobieski
Helen Hunt & Leelee Sobieski

19. Heath Ledger & Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Heath Ledger & Joseph Gordon-Levitt

20. Neve Campbell & unconscious Holly Marie Combs
Neve Campbell & Holly Marie Combs

21. Emily Blunt & Eve Myles
Emily Blunt & Eve Myles

22. Jeffrey Dean Morgan & Javier Bardem
Jeffrey Dean Morgan & Javier Bardem

23. Ginnifer Goodwin & Jennifer Morrison
Ginnifer Goodwin & Jennifer Morrison

24. Milla Jovovich & Linda Evangelista
Milla Jovovich & Linda Evangelista

25. Chyler Leigh & Schuyler Fisk
Chyler Leigh & Schuyler Fisk

26. Samantha Ferris & Leah Remini
Samantha Ferris & Leah Remini

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The Terror of Bathrooms and Mannequins

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Last night I went to a party. It was pretty boring, as most of the guests were people from my high school that I didn’t like. I got a phone call, and was about to ignore it, but then I saw that it was Thor, so I answered. He told me that I should go and pick up my shorts, since he would be leaving the country soon, and he apologised for having them in the first place. I told him not to worry, since it was my fault I left them at his house anyway. Then he got all shocked and offended, and hung up on me. I went to the bathroom, and three people walked in on me. Yes, into one cubicle. They got all shocked and offended as well, and told me off for being there. Why the hazmata is my worst recurring nightmare about people walking in on me in the bathroom? But anyway, I left the party, and then I was outside some spooky house.

The spooky house looked pretty awesome, so I decided to go and explore it. There were lots of creepy mannequin-like statues in the yard, and I kept getting this feeling of being watched. I walked around to the side of the house, which looked a lot like outside my high school art rooms, and entered via a side-door. Waiting for me inside the kitchen were a random and Amy Pond! She told me that the house was under attack, and we mustn’t touch the mannequins. Then we turned around and saw some mannequins already inside the house, descending upon us. We ran outside and tried to escape, but the expendable random got touched by a mannequin, and turned into one. Me and Amy kept running, but then all of a sudden, we were back inside the kitchen, and the mannequins were all outside. I had a sudden epiphany, and decided that if I walked backwards to outside the grounds, then it would rewind time, and none of this would have ever happened. So I ran backwards, trying to avoid the mannequins, when all of a sudden, one touched me! I closed my eyes and decided that it hadn’t happened, as time was rewinding. Because of that, I was fine, and so I kept running away backwards. Finally, I made it beyond the fence, and then all of a sudden, I was with Tara elsewhere.

I was trying to convince Tara to watch Robin Hood with me. Eventually, she agreed, so I put on the first episode. We – and mum – started watching it, but it was a cartoon! It was the cartoon version of Robin Hood featuring Yogi Bear! I was very confused, since I had tested the file earlier, and it was definitely live-action then. I told that to mum and Tara, and swore that it must get better, so we kept watching. Then finally, it became live-action. But it still wasn’t the right Robin Hood. It was just like a live-action version of the old cartoon, and still randomly featured Yogi Bear! But at least mum and Tara liked it.

My Favourite Things: Super-Long Ninja Edition

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English and Irish and all Scottish people
Pirates and pokemon, witches and metal
Sloths, chocolate, pasta, and scary vampires
These are a few of my favourite items

Archery, ninjas, and fun superheroes
Badges and robots and hokkien noodles
Books, plushies, tribbles, socks, and DVD’s
Favourite things of mine, yes, that is these

PJ’s and dresses and Chuck Taylor sneakers
JB Hi Fi and laptops and computers
Meerkats, koalas, and playgrounds with swings
These are a few of my favourite things

When I’m up high
Watch the Notebook
Or am just plain sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Caramel, cupcakes, and caramel cupcakes
Butterbeer, photos, and Wendy’s supershakes
Rollercoasters and old Disney movies
Just a few more favourite thingies are these

Bras, glasses, monkeys, and cute polite children
Babies and kittens and puppies and Batman
Big eye art, chicken salt, steak seasoning
These are a few of my favourite things

Iron Man, money, and Dr Seuss poems
Contortionists contorting themselves into bottles
Ultimate frisbee and miniature things
These are a few of my favourite… things

When I’m up high
Watch the Notebook
Or am just plain sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Home-made or cold liquid nitrogen ice-cream
Marshmallows – fresh, roasted, buried in ice-cream
Quidditch on broomsticks and illusionists
These are a few of my favourite stuff

Big pools of jelly with giant drinking straws
Doonas, beanbags, jumping castles, blanket forts
Swords, Captain Planet, and costume parties
More of my favourite things are all these

Log cabins, castles, and warm fireplaces
Little inanimate objects with faces
Loki and Saturn and capital Q’s
More of my favourite things that I value

When I’m up high
Watch the Notebook
Or am just plain sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Aliens and alternate universes
Spaceships and Blinky Bill and adiposes
Rain, Sailor Jupiter, and Christmas lunch
That is a few of my favourite stuff

Beds, Asian tourists, and fatty gold butter
Those nice shiny nuts that you find at Port Arthur
Exercise bikes with cool fans in their wheels
More favourite things that I’d readily steal

Full moons and froggies and bacon and sparrows
Musicals, magic sand, and harps and cellos
Fairytales, elves, and some slutty young nymphs
These are a few of my favourite things

When I’m up high
Watch the Notebook
Or am just plain sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Box sets and theatre and Coles choc-chip cookies
Milo and cosplayers and tepanyaki
The Doctor, symmetry, and curry puffs
These are a few of my favourite stuffs

Books by Virginia that have lots of incest
Episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess
People who let me just randomly sing
These are a few of my favourite things

Cutie old people and nice back massages
Shopping for booze and then not getting carded
Bright-red-haired females and butlers called Jeeves
The last of my favourite things are all these

When I’m up high
Watch the Notebook
Or am just plain sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Motivation to Drive?

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I have decided that mayhaps I might think about finally going for my learner’s. There are two reasons for this recent change of heart. That is, the change of heart from ‘not bothered’ to ‘slightly less not bothered’.

1. I DISLIKE GETTING LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE:

The other day, I wanted to go shopping. That night was Robyn’s 21st, and I needed to get her a birthday present. As well as buy myself some more Bewitched. Tiernan would be meeting me at my house beforehand, and I estimated his arrival time at about 4:30. I decided to go to Plenty Valley, since I’d taken the bus home from there before, and kinda sorta remembered the way. I left at 2:30, giving myself 15 minutes there, 15 minutes back, and half an hour at the shops. Well, at least that’s what I planned.

Before I left, I quickly looked up the route on Journey Planner. It took me to a different bus stop than the time I had caught it home, but I just put that down to the difference in direction. So I got on the bus, and attempted to make my way to Plenty Valley. I sat there happily for a while, and finally noticed that we were approaching Plenty Valley, so I prepared to prepare to get off the bus. We circled Plenty Valley without stopping. I waited a bit longer for the bus to enter the shops, and then, huzzah! We circled it again. Only again, the bus did not stop. I looked around confused for a while, and then figured we’d turn back and circle the shops for a third time, and this time we’d actually stop. Only… we didn’t. We kept driving and driving, until finally I realised that no, willing the bus to take me where I want will not make it so. So I kept waiting. This time, I waited for the bus to stop at a bus stop near lights, so that I could actually cross the street in the middle of nowhere without dying. Finally, it happened, and I managed to catch the bus back five minutes later. I got off at South Morang station, since I could remember seeing the shops when we stopped there on the way. So I walked to the shops, and managed to get there at about 3:30. Yes, what was meant to be a 15 minute trip had somehow taken me about an hour.

I bought my DVD’s (6 seasons for just over $60, yay!) and a gift card for Robyn, and happily went on my way. It was about 4:15 by then (oh shut up, I like shopping, okay?), so I knew I was probably going to get home after Tiernan. By the way, this was a freezing cold windy day, and Tiernan doesn’t have a key. So I texted him, and then I texted mum that she would probably have to let him in. I searched for the bus stop, and found the bus shelters. Yay? But they were not stops, oh no. They bloody well got rid of the bus stops at Plenty Valley! No wonder that bus circled and circled and never entered! Yeah, I should probably mention that the time I caught the bus home from there was about four years ago…

So I walked back to South Morang station. And tried to figure out which bus to catch. There were like nine there! I mean, seriously! But then I decided that the one called Bundoora RMIT was probably my best bet. Until I looked at the map and discovered that it kinda stopped there. So I scratched that idea, and caught the one to Northland. Luckily it took me to Betula. Although not so luckily, by the time it actually go there, it was dark, and as usual, I missed my stop. So I press the button for the next stop, and as I’m waiting there for the doors to open, the driver asks “this one?”. No. I wanted the next next stop. Clearly. So I finally got off the bus, and walked/ran/jiggled/sang my way back home. Aaand finally got there at about 5:30.

So yes. I dislike getting lost in the middle of nowhere. And apparently at a bus stop in the middle of somewhere. It turns 45 minute trips into 3 hour vacations. Although, to be fair, I manage to turn lots of things into 3 hour vacations (ahem, a one-hour trip to Geelong). So perhaps a license might help to fix that! Although, to be honest, I’m not particularly good at directions either…

2. I WANT TO KILL PEOPLE WITH MY MUSIC:

I am sick of losers driving past my house with their shitty little doof-doof music blaring in my ears. The other day, I was sitting innocently in the lounge room, watching something (or possibly playing the Sims, because I’m awesome like that), when my ears were poisoned by a super-loud and super-clear “Superman that hoe, crank that something YOOOU!”. So I said a little prayer to myself. It went something along the lines of “please don’t be Tara please don’t be Tara”. And then in walks Tara. Bloody Tara! I was ashamed. This house is supposed to be associated with scary screaming music! Or weird cello music! Or 90’s pop music! Or the Corrs! Not this blasphemous crap (I’ll just disregard the fact that it’s on my iPod, shall I?).

Aaand that entire paragraph isn’t particularly relevant… Hmmm… But anyway, yes, I am bloody sick of people blaring their bad music loud! So I would like to blare my good music loud. And my god, let me tell you, blaring good music loud is fun! The other day month year, me and Tara were driving somewhere in her shiny new red Getz. We were just casually sitting there in pink and yellow dresses, windows down, singing along to some Slipknot. Or was it Disturbed? No, I think it was Slipknot. So yes, there we were, listening to Slipknot, when a red light happened next to the tram stop. And you should have seen the number of orange-faced sluts waiting for the tram! Upon hearing our awesome music, all the girls just turned and looked at us. And you should have seen their faces! The looks on their faces upon seeing girly pink and yellow dress-wearers and not face-painted evil-looking goths was priceless!

So I want to be able to freak out people myself, with my own music, in my own car. Which would preferably be a lime green Volkswagen Beetle. Which would probably add to the confusion between the appearance and the music! I believe I would be better at freaking people out than Tara. Or at least confusing people. Either one’s fun, I just bloody love my music! I could play Antichrist Superstar, followed by What if God was One of Us?, followed by Greensleeves, followed by Gilded Cunt… Tehehe. I might even throw some Scottish pirate metal into the mix. All the more to confuse people!

So yes, my reasons for maybe getting my license are not the normal person’s reasons of wanting to get places fast. Oh no. I just want to not get lost, and kill people with my music. Fun times.