Tag Archives: pig

Beware the Pink Meat


When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend who was a Muslim. He liked getting free things, and part of that involved eating people’s lunch when they didn’t want it. He told me that he remembered all those nice providers of free lunch by what they had on their sandwiches. Some people would have chicken. Some people would have cheese. Others would have salad. And one girl would always have “the pink meat”. Yes, that’s right. My lovely Muslim boyfriend had unknowingly been scabbing ham sandwiches for all those years.




I walked into a room and found a hot guy lying on a bed. I walked over to him, and he jumped up and swirled me around. It turned out his name was Glen, and he was supposed to be basically Norman Reedus (though in hindsight, they were nothing alike). I dragged him out of that room and into my own, where we found some family friends. They were dropping off a teacup piglet and a miniature stag as a gift for my family. The pig and the stag ran around all cute-like, and played with each other. At one point they ran towards my legs, so I jumped up onto Glen’s back. He doubled over in pain, because it turns out the reason he was lying down was because he had a sore back. I apologised, and he was alright again. Then we started making out. He told me he loved me (that was fast), and after a moment’s hesitation, I told him I loved him as well (what even?).

All of a sudden, we were at uni, and had somehow gotten separated. I ran into Matt, and he told me that his iPod had ran out of battery, and he had nothing to keep him occupied during a long train ride that night. So I lent him my own iPod (why is my dream self so crazy?) and went off looking for other people. I realised that now I had nothing to keep myself occupied on my own long trip home, but then all of a sudden I found an old iPod in my pocket. It was basically dead, but somehow it still played a limited number of songs. And it was brown.

But anyway, I made my way to the exit, and found that there was a man there with an incredible witchdar (witch radar), and in order to leave the uni, we had to be sorted by him into ‘witch’ or ‘mortal’. I got in line, and saw Glen waiting ahead of me. Apparently he was a witch now, so we gave each other a little look as to ‘I wonder if he’ll get me right’. But the witchdar man said Glen was a mortal, and then Glen went outside. I was wearing a gigantic black cross around my neck (seriously?), so I expected him to pick me as a witch, even though I was a mortal. But he picked me as a mortal as well, which made me feel jealous of all the people who did get picked as witches.

I went outside, and called out to Glen, who was walking a few metres in front of me. I caught up to him, and kissed him hello. We met up with Grace underneath a eucalyptus tree, and started chatting. But then Glen started freaking out about how there were bugs on him. I didn’t see any, but Grace told him that she had bugs too. I told her off for encouraging his hallucination, but then the bugs got on me as well! They were tiny bugs that had come from the eucalyptus tree, so we moved away from it.

Then Glen was being a flirt (though he was still in love with me). I told him that he was too damn charming, and that he could get anyone to go out with him. Then we played Pokemon.