Tag Archives: movie

Impossible Inventions

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There are some things the world just needs. Unfortunately, many of those things are a tad… impossible.

1. Brain Printer:
We’ve all had it happen to us. In our heads, we imagine it like this:
Mona Lisa
But then once we’ve drawn it, it ends up coming out more like this:
Drawing
I think we definitely need a ‘print’ button on our brains, so that we can avoid catastrophes like the above lady in the purple dress.

2. Brain Recorder:
I can’t tell you the number of awesome dreams I’ve had that I wanted to have again and again, only for them to be completely forgotten ten minutes after waking up. And what about all those ones where I’ve written a masterpiece song or poem? We need brain recorders so that we can press ‘record’ every night before going to bed, and never have to forget a dream again.

3. Find:
Finding specific words or phrases in printed documents is AIDS. Unlike PDFs, we can’t just press ctrl+f and have our words highlighted for us. Oh no. We actually have to look for them ourselves. At least glossaries have it half-right. But even so. This lack of a non-computer ‘find’ button makes it really hard to choose essay references via skimming.

4. Copy + Paste:
As with the ‘find’ button, copying and pasting is a very important part of life! Surely I’m not the only one who gets driven insane having to copy handwriting onto multiple sheets of paper, or enter information into a computer.

5. Temporary Mind Wipe:
This is one of my more brilliant impossible inventions. I am a huge bookworm, and I particularly love series and the whole fandoms surrounding them. When you’re a fan of a book (or even a television series or film), nothing beats that excitement you get waiting for the next instalment, and that feeling you get upon finally reading/seeing it. Now, I’ve been a huge fan of Harry Potter for over ten years. I started reading the books when I was about eight or so (when only the first four were out), and between the time I started and the time the fifth book was released, I read the first four books over twenty times each. Every time a new book came out, I bought it immediately, and usually had them read within about two days. Then the movies came out, and I had those to be excited about as well, even if they did involve a lot of complaining about important events they cut. When the last book was released, I read it within twenty-four hours. It was thrilling, exciting, tear-inducing, and full of ‘oooh’ moments, and I loved it. It may have been it, but at least I could focus on the fact that the movies were still going. But then they ended as well. I saw the last film with my mum and my sister, and then again with the Melbourne Muggles. But I would never get that new feeling again. I can read them over and over, but that initial feeling of reading something for the first time will never return. And that makes me sad. I would love to be able to temporarily delete things from my memory before reading/watching something, in order to experience that feeling again, and then get all the memories back afterwards. I would love to be able to read Harry Potter for the first time, and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the first time, and meet every other fandom I’m a part of for the first time, all over again.

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False Memories

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Quite a few years ago, I watched the film Man on Fire. I remember it was a sad movie. Denzel Washington plays Creasy, a man who becomes a bodyguard for Pita (Dakota Fanning), due to a recent string of kidnappings.

Pita swims, and is very fast in the water, but slow getting off the blocks due to her always flinching at the starting gunshot. She and Creasy become quite close, and Creasy helps her train for a swim meet by teaching her not to flinch at the starting gunshot. There’s this big scene with Creasy and Pita yelling “the gunshot holds no fear!” a lot and Pita learning to dive quickly off the blocks. Pita ends up winning her race.

But a bit later on in the movie, Pita and Creasy get surrounded after Pita’s piano lesson, and Pita gets kidnapped. Then at the end of the movie, Creasy finds her kidnappers and makes a deal with them – a life for a life. They will return Pita to her mother, if Creasy gives up his own life to them in return. So Creasy goes to them, and as he is walking to them, they release Pita. They meet briefly on the bridge for one last goodbye, and Creasy tells Pita something about what will happen, and that she shouldn’t be scared. Pita runs to her mother, and Creasy meets the kidnappers, and as the kidnappers go to shoot Creasy in the head execution-style, Pita hides her head in her mother’s arm, crying, and repeats to herself “the gunshot holds no fear”.

Or so I thought. I have such a vivid memory of that happening, that when I watched it again the other day, I was very surprised to find that the entire ending was a huge anti-climax. As Creasy makes his way to the kidnappers, Pita is released, and they meet each other on the bridge. Pita runs to her mother, and Creasy gets bundled into the kidnappers car. He is already wounded from earlier, and dies randomly in the car. The “the gunshot holds no fear” scene is never referred back to. The movie just ends.

After that, I figured the television must have just been showing me some lame censored version of the film, so that it could be shown on free-to-air TV. So I looked up alternate endings on Google. And there were none. My memory invented an awesome fake ending in my head, and I had to ruin it by watching the movie again. I still prefer my version. They should remake the entire film. Or at least the ending.

Let’s All Be Shallow & Watch Actors, Not Movies

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I finally watched Thor on Friday. I figured it was about time, since I was going to see the Avengers the next day. But yes, I finally saw Thor. And I must say, I don’t get what some people are complaining about – I loved it! But of course, that may have been mostly to do with two little words – Tom Hiddleston.

As soon as he came on screen, in the scene where Thor is yelling about attacking the Frost Giants, I just fell in love (okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but close enough). Watching him raise that eyebrow of his, and keeping the exact same expression (except for the eyebrow slowly getting higher) for the entire scene, just cemented Loki as my favourite character. Thor? He was just an arrogant dick with predictable character development. But Loki was interesting, with actual substance – he had a point.

Sure, in the Avengers, he was less “hateful with a reason” and more “Ima kill you all!”. But the attractiveness of Tom Hiddleston (the actor who plays Loki) more than made up for that. Now, I’ve only ever seen Tom Hiddleston play Loki. I’ve never seen him in anything else. So until today, he was just any other good hot actor to me. But then I found out something that really raised my opinion of him (not that it wasn’t high already). Whilst filming the Avengers, he asked Chris Hemsworth (Thor) to actually hit him during the fight scenes, to make it look realistic. Now that is dedication. I think I’ll be wincing a whole lot more next time I watch the Avengers.

And now, because I cannot think of an appropriate segue between my topics, to Viserys. Did anyone else see similarities between Tom Hiddleston and Harry Lloyd? I don’t think they’re actually that alike, but for some reason, Tom Hiddleston reminded me of Harry Lloyd when I was watching Thor. Maybe it’s just because not many people I know find either of them attractive like I do. I need to stop swooning over actors like this. I think I have kinda weird taste in men.

Edit: Just found out that Tom Hiddleston and Harry Lloyd are in Henry IV together. I need to see this. I think I might overdose on hotness.

Things That Piss Me Off

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I found a list of things that annoy me the other day, that I wrote a few years ago. I thought I might post it up here, with a few alterations. So now it shall be a mixture of things that annoy me a bit, and things that really do actually piss me off.

  • Girls who take photos of themselves while thrusting their hips together, hands on hips, arching their backs, and pouting their lips.
  • People who post photos of themselves online with the caption ‘ugh I’m so ugly’. If you think you’re ugly, you hide the picture or photoshop it nice. You’re clearly just seeking compliments.
  • Girls who say “I’m so fat, I’m so fat” all the time to fish for compliments.
  • Girls who do the above, and then when someone finally agrees, they get all bitchy.
  • People who share their own photos on Facebook. As in, post a photo of themselves on Facebook, and then 6 hours later, click the ‘share’ button. Yes, there are people who do this. Yes, this makes me want to eat my own head.
  • People who post photos of food on Facebook. Okay, this doesn’t piss me off as such, I just don’t get it! Why do we need to see your food? Sure, it’s understandable when you’ve made an awesome pool-cake or something, but why do we need to see your boring old salad?!
  • When I need to stretch my toes, but my feet are half asleep, so my toes won’t separate.
  • The fact that I have no control over my sleepy morning self. Yes, sleepy morning me, I did set that alarm for a reason.
  • The fact that I have no control over my sleeping self. Yes, sleeping me, I did put that bandage on for a reason.
  • When people misspell words. Especially easy words. Like spelling lose as ‘loose’. Gaaaahhhhhrrrrrr! Die you people, die!
  • When people use the wrong their/they’re/there.
  • Americans who assume they are the centre of the universe. AKA, 99% of Americans. No, the whole world does not say hard R’s! Yes, humour is spelt with a U! No, you should not have the default English language, especially since ENGLAND INVENTED YOU!
  • TV shows who fail at Aussie accents. Yes, I’m looking at you, LOST. Seriously, how on Earth, does an Australian character, played by an Australian actor, have such a bad Australian accent? No, Aaron is not pronounced Erin.
  • TV shows who try to pass off one accent as another. Yes, I’m looking at you, Prison Break. First you try and pass off a clearly British man as an Australian one. And then you make him say bollocks. And cut off the T while saying “it has”, instead of the H. Real Aussies say “it’as” – not “i’has”.
  • People who are racist against people by excessively claiming racism.
  • People who try too hard not to be racist.
  • People who are racist in general – especially people who are racist against white people. Why do I say that? Because clearly I’m gonna care more about my own race than other people’s. Some people will call that racist. But I just call it common sense.
  • Hypocrites. Although I’m a bit of a hypocrite at times. But that’s cool, because hypocrites can do that.
  • When my nan argues about God and tries to disprove science. And convert us.
  • When people try and claim my ideas as their own.
  • When I really love a song, but can’t remember the name. Or any of the lyrics. Or the artist. Or the tune. Or even somewhere that I’ve heard it before.
  • Wanting something expensive and seeing it everywhere, but when it finally goes on sale, it’s nowhere to be found.
  • Buying something, then going back to find it is on sale.
  • Fur clothing. Faux fur or no fur! Yes! I finally used my slogan!
  • Tony Abbott.
  • People who are against gay marriage. No, not just laws against gay marriage. I do not like individual people who are against gay marriage. It wouldn’t hurt them. It wouldn’t even affect them! Being anti-gay-marriage is just plain mean. I know the use of the word ‘mean’ probably sounds immature, but it is very fitting.
  • Non-gay people who get offended at any (and I really mean any) use of the word ‘gay’, just because they know someone who is. Gay, I mean. And who doesn’t actually get offended by nearly as many things as their non-gay acquaintance.
  • A race/racist/racism-related version of the above statement.
  • People who think goths are evil. 
  • When I open my Caramello Koala or Freddo Frog all nicely (AKA, head first), and the chocolate doesn’t match the wrapper. As in, I get the legs first. Blast you, cadbury! I opened it that way for a reason, Goddammit!
  • Mouth ulcers in such bad spots that the Bonjela won’t stay on. And neither will the salt. Or the Vegemite.
  • Actually, ulcers in general.
  • When I download a movie in iPod format, only to find out that my bloody iPod is a dickhead and doesn’t like it.
  • Even worse, when I convert a movie into iPod format, only to have the same thing happen.
  • The fact that gorgeous bras are just not made for people with giant breasts! Yes, U-Bra company, I actually would like to wear a low-cut dress once in a while!
  • Cinema bitches who accept a birth certificate and not a concession card, and then have the nerve to ask if the person with the birth certificate wants to see the film alone. Yes, because the person with the concession card will just bum around for two hours while their friend sees the movie without them…
  • Cinema bitches like above, but who also don’t even accept parental consent – either in the form of a signature, or even them buying the tickets to give to their children.
  • When I get given Pepsi Max instead of normal Pepsi. Okay, hearing Pepsi Max when I say “Pepsi, thanks” is perfectly understandable. But hearing Pepsi Max when I ask for “Pepsi, please”? Hearing Pepsi Max when I ask for “Pepsi”? Hearing Pepsi Max when I ask for bloody “normal Pepsi”?!
  • The McIdiots who got rid of M&M McFlurries. How did that conversation even go?! “Oh, this dessert has great sales, everyone seems to love it. You know what an awesome idea would be? Let’s get rid of it and sell some crappy attempt at gourmet instead!” Growl.
  • Waking up after an awesome dream.
  • Not having superpowers.

This turned out to be more of a completely new list of things that piss me off. Oh well, the old stuff just wasn’t as pointful.

Chronicle

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I saw Chronicle today. And oh my God, there are no words. It… got to me. It got in my head. Only one other movie has ever gotten to me like that before – the Thin Red Line. And that was because it was so brutally real. But Chronicle…?

Maybe it’s because they started out how anyone would. Maybe it’s because it’s shocking how anyone could turn out that way. Or maybe, just maybe, if the superpower thing really did happen, this movie shows the truth. And that’s pretty darn terrifying.

All in all, it actually wasn’t quite what I expected. Particularly in that it’s one of those ‘found footage’ movies. But even so, it was still really good. Although some parts were quite disturbing. So yes, I’d recommend watching it – although you might want to reconsider if you’re easily disturbed.