Tag Archives: gay

Support Matters

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I’ve been looking through old photos recently, and they’ve gotten me thinking about the relationship I have with my father. Our personalities often clashed when I was growing up, and in all honesty, we didn’t get along very well. I didn’t particularly care when he moved out, and with regards to our relationship, I’m a lot happier now.

The thing is, my dad just wasn’t very supportive. He had a good relationship with Tara. She was athletic, and a good swimmer, and enjoyed cycling. But my dad just couldn’t accept that I wasn’t like that. I preferred reading and writing and drawing and singing, to going outdoors and playing sports. But according to him, those weren’t valid interests. He tried to push me with my swimming, and criticised me when I never got any better. Not being very good with confrontation, the only way I could bring myself to tell him my feelings about this was to write him a letter – which he promptly tore up in front of me.

Even now that I’m an adult, he still hasn’t gotten much better. He continually grills into me for not having a job (as though I can control the employment market) or a drivers license (as though his teaching wasn’t what scared me off). And funnily enough, those are the only two things he ever asks me about every few months when I see him. Oh, and one other question – whether or not I have a boyfriend yet. Except for the last time I saw him, when he followed that by asking if I have a girlfriend. Which brings me to my next point.

My dad is a huge homophobe. He goes on about how being gay is unnatural and a disorder, and that he could cure it if he had enough money. Whenever Tara or I call him out for it, he says (and I paraphrase) “[he] can’t possibly be a homophobe because [he’s] not scared of gay people, [he] just think[s] there’s something wrong with them, and anyway [he has] gay friends”. Fine dad, you’re being heterosexist. Whatever you decide to call it, it’s incredibly bigoted. Tara once asked him what he would do if she were gay. He scoffed and told her (and I actually quote this time, not just paraphrase) “don’t be stupid, you’re not gay”. He was right, Tara isn’t gay, but that’s completely beside the point. What if she was gay, and his bigoted attitude was preventing her from safely coming out? What if I was gay, and she was trying to test the waters for me? I’m fairly sure the only reason he asked if I had a girlfriend that time was to appear tolerant with my aunt and uncle in the car, as my female cousin recently revealed to them that she has a girlfriend.

If I ever have children, I am going to try my best to be the most supportive parent possible. It doesn’t matter whether they want to swim, or run, or dance, or sing, or act, or write, or draw. It doesn’t matter whether they like men, or women, or everyone, or no-one. It doesn’t matter whether they are a boy, or a girl, or something else, or none of the above. It doesn’t matter whether they want to be a teacher, or a doctor, or a lawyer, or an actor, or a nurse, or a dancer, or a bartender. The only thing that does matter is how they treat people, whether it be other people or themselves. I vow to accept my children for who they are, because I know only too well how much it hurts when even the small things go unsupported.

A is for Asexual

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LGBT is an acronym most people have heard of. LGBTQ is less well-known, but still pretty recognisable. LGBTQI is not so well-known. LGBTQIA even less so. But despite the fact that the more letters there are in the acronym, the more people don’t know what it means, letters still keep getting added, in order to be inclusive of as many identities as possible. And although it’s a slow process, they are becoming more and more recognisable.

But problems arise when people don’t know what the letters mean. The biggest culprit of this is the letter A. There is an incredible number of allies who claim that the A is their letter. What’s even more astounding is the number of LGBT+ groups that seem to agree with them. Now this is problematic for a number of reasons:

1. Ally is not a minority identity. It’s not really an identity at all as far as the actual LGBT+ identities are concerned. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, asexual, pansexual… They relate to sexual orientation. Trans, intersex… They relate to sex and gender. But being an ally is nothing like that. Allies have just made the decision to be decent human beings.

2. When allies claim the A as their own, it contributes to the erasure of several already fairly unknown identities, the most prominent being asexual. Allies are there to support the LGBT+ community. Pulling out the rug from under asexual, agender, and aromantic people and stepping on their faces is not very supportive.

3. It’s a goddamn paradox! Including allies in the LGBT+ acronym means that they are a part of that community. But ally by definition is a supportive third party. How can people be allies of the LGBT+ community if they’re already a part of it? Exactly, they can’t. It goes against the entire definition of the word ally. But if adding allies to the acronym removes their allyness and they disappear from the acronym in a puff of logic, then they’d just become allies again! Do people not learn this from theories of time travel? Paradoxes are bad. Stop. Making. Them.

Non-Sexual Fetishes

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Many a time, I have seen people describe a strong attraction of theirs as a fetish. I’m a bit iffy on that one. Now, I’m not trying to stop people from calling something a fetish if they’re attracted to it. If they feel comfortable with that label, then so be it. But to me, it just seems… deceptive to call something a fetish if it doesn’t actually turn you on (I will, however, accept the use of the term ‘turn-on’. Because that’s logical…).

If I were to be deceptive myself, and label something a fetish when it’s really not, then I would have a hell of a lot of fetishes. But I do not have a fetish for long necks, red hair on women, upturned noses, gay men, dark hair, physical vulnerabilities, androgyny, male ballet dancers, or Egyptian feet. Just a strong attraction. I would feel wrong describing any of those as fetishes.

Now when I write, I don’t write fanservice. Random pairings that don’t have much point? No thank you. Sex scenes? I’d much rather them occur off-screen, if at all. But I do write a fair bit of Caitservice. A fair few of my story attempts have actually started as pure Caitservice. If I have the opportunity to include one of the above things in my fiction, I bloody well will. Sometimes multiple of those things. But I will not refer to them in a sexual way, just as I do not think of them in a sexual way, and no way in hell will I call any of them a fetish.

People I Hate

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  1. People who try and force their beliefs upon others
  2. People who steal good usernames and don’t use their accounts
  3. People who don’t believe in gay marriage
  4. People who dispute the legitimacy of sexualities and/or genders
  5. People who make too much noise on public transport
  6. People who steal other people’s video games and overwrite their saves
  7. People who steal other people’s anything
  8. People who try to claim credit for someone else’s work
  9. People who act all elitist
  10. People who get mad at other people for doing things when they do them as well
  11. People who refuse to believe the truth
  12. People who assume everyone is like them, and inadvertently insult others as a result
  13. People who claim that someone else’s problem isn’t actually a problem, just because they have a bigger one
  14. People who spell simple words incorrectly
  15. People who claim that other people won’t be able to spell and/or pronounce simple words correctly
  16. People who think it is a compliment to insult someone’s past self
  17. People who complain about being fat and/or ugly when they aren’t
  18. People who complain about being fat and/or ugly when they aren’t and then get all pissy when someone agrees
  19. People who post photos on Facebook with the caption “omg im so fkn uglyy n supa fat xx”
  20. People who refuse to back down when they are wrong
  21. People who pretend to be stupid
  22. People who aren’t gay who make out with people of the same sex for attention
  23. People who think they’re too cool for books and that books are only for nerds
  24. People who think ‘nerd’ is an insult
  25. People who wear fake glasses
  26. People who wear fake glasses that don’t even have the decency to have fake lenses in them
  27. People who tell other people they wish they were like them because life would be easier
  28. People who try and teach people about things they know nothing about
  29. People who use their phones in the middle of some kind of social event (including lunch)
  30. People who think they’re entitled to everything from their parents
  31. People who are rude to their parents
  32. People who say c*nt
  33. People who act like there is something wrong with someone else just because they find different people attractive
  34. People who bring uninvolved people into disputes, whether it be for backup or to punish them
  35. People who refuse to apologise when they know they are wrong
  36. People who stand next to empty seats on trams
  37. People who stand next to empty seats on super-packed trams
  38. People who buy their young children smartphones
  39. People who demand respect but don’t give it
  40. People who think smacking is child abuse
  41. People who leave their rubbish lying around
  42. People who beg for money without doing something interesting for it
  43. People who try to guilt trip other people into donating to their charity
  44. People who don’t move to the left side of the footpath when someone else is walking towards them
  45. People who walk in the middle of the footpath whilst carrying a giant bag of oranges
  46. People who call other adults ‘sweetie’ or other condescending terms
  47. People who abhor labels and ignore their usefulness
  48. People who find racism, sexism, or any other kind of -ism in everything
  49. People who refuse to acknowledge actual differences among groups because doing so is ‘racist’ or ‘sexist’, etc.
  50. People who insist that only pansexuals can be attracted to a person based on their personality
  51. People who insist that only pansexuals can be attracted to transgenders
  52. People who insist that anyone who isn’t pansexual is only attracted to people for their genitals
  53. People who write instead of draw on internet pictionary games
  54. People who call using a private number without leaving a message
  55. People who have experienced discrimination first-hand, yet still discriminate against others
  56. People who board public transport without letting other people off first
  57. People who sit in the aisle seat – when the seats beside them are empty – on packed public transport
  58. People who chew gum with their mouth open
  59. People who don’t cover their mouths when coughing or sneezing
  60. People who smoke in places where others can’t escape
  61. People who say sentences involving “let alone” or “much less” in the wrong order
  62. People who misuse the word ‘literally’
  63. People who lean back or put their arm around someone on public transport, and end up touching me as a result
  64. People who volunteer for a job and then desert their post
  65. People who pronounce negotiate as nə-GO-see-ayt instead of nə-GO-shee-ayt
  66. People who claim that behaviours such as wearing make-up, shaving, and bra-wearing are just internalised objectification, and that no woman could possibly want to do those of her own accord
  67. People who argue that people with nothing to hide should have no problem with people snooping through their stuff
  68. People who use ‘bae’ as a pet name
  69. People who criticise people for being afraid of something because it’s inevitable and therefore irrational to be afraid
  70. People who claim that only white people/men/heterosexuals can be racist/sexist/sexualist

Transgender is not a Gender

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Rather, it is a type of gender. Having ‘male’, ‘female’, and ‘transgendered’ as the gender options in a survey is ridiculous. It’s as bad as having ‘transgender male’, ‘transgender female’, and ‘cisgendered’ as the options. And both are almost as bad as having ‘cisgendered’ and ‘transgendered’ as the only options. The formers tell us only half of the participants’ actual genders. The latter tells us nothing at all. Having ‘transgendered’ as the only extra gender option on top of ‘male’ and ‘female’ is not being inclusive. It’s just a really bad attempt. If someone really wants their survey to be inclusive of all genders, then their options should be ‘male’, ‘female’, ‘bigender’, ‘androgynous’, and ‘agender’ (and there are probably even more floating around out there). Or, if it’s really that important to them that they know the transstate (I just made that word up…) of their participants, then have ‘cis male’, ‘cis female’, ‘transgender male’, ‘transgender female’, ‘transsexual male’, ‘transsexual female’ as the options instead of plain old ‘male’ and ‘female’. Or, better, yet, just have a blank box to type in.

But gender is not the only culprit, oh no. Sexuality is a huge one. Surveys usually ask about sexuality in one of two ways. The first is to ask participants what their sexuality is, out of ‘straight’, ‘gay’, or ‘bi’. The second is to ask participants if they are interested in ‘men’, ‘women’, or ‘both’. Sigh. We’ve already established that there are more than two genders, so clearly that second method needs more options. But that first method is insanely wrong! Sure, there’s ‘heterosexual’, ‘homosexual’, and ‘bisexual’ – but what about ‘androgenosexual’, ‘androsexual’, ‘gynosexual’, ‘pansexual’, ‘polysexual’, ‘asexual’, ‘greysexual’, and ‘demisexual’ (and again, there are probably even more around)? And then there’s all the romantic types…

Seriously, with all these possible labels out there, is it really that hard to just ask people what they identify as? Must we really make little multiple choice answers for them to neatly categorise themselves into? Now I’ve never made a survey before, but surely it can’t be too difficult to have a little typing box instead of a bunch of options to choose from. If anything, it seems like it would be easier!

Love is Love, Regardless of Gender

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I have basically one political belief. And that is that gay marriage should be legal.

People do not choose who they love. They fall in love. They don’t jump in love. And if two people are in love, then they should have the right to show that love in a legally recognised way like marriage – no matter what gender they are.

Some people say that they already do. That they can already have their relationship legally recognised through a civil union. But that brings up the issue of equality. They’re not equal rights if people in same-sex relationships get an entirely different thing.

Some people say that marriage is a religious thing. That religion defines marriage as the formal union between a man and a woman, and that same-sex marriage defies that. But if marriage is so religious, then why can I get married? I’m not religious. I don’t believe in any higher beings. I’ll start believing this crap about marriage being religious the moment people like me are forbidden from getting married.

Some people say that people who endorse gay marriage are trying to redefine marriage. To them, I quote Cynthia Nixon, who said this beautifully: “Gay people who want to marry have no desire to redefine marriage in any way. When women got the right to vote, they did not redefine voting. When African-Americans got the right to sit at a lunch counter, alongside white people, they did not redefine eating out. They were simply invited to the table.” So why don’t we stop living in the past, and invite people in same-sex relationships to that lovely little table we call marriage?

Some people say that legalising gay marriage will encourage same-sex relationships. But like I said, people don’t choose who they love. Straight men/women aren’t going to marry some random other man/woman just because they can. They’re going to marry someone because they love them (or to get citizenship, but honestly, that happens already, so gay marriage is gonna have no impact on that). So that kind of ‘logic’ is absolutely ridiculous.

Some people take it even further, by claiming that legalising gay marriage will encourage all sorts of ‘horrifying’ relationships, like polyamory, polygamy, bestiality, and incest. Now that is just even more ridiculous. How can one type of relationship encourage another completely different one? That’s like saying that by tickling someone, you’re encouraging them to chop someone else’s foot off. So not related.

When I see people make arguments against gay marriage, I feel angry. It physically angers me. It angers me so much that finding out someone was against gay marriage would significantly lower my opinion of them. I don’t understand how anyone could be so selfish as to want to prevent other people from doing something, when that thing wouldn’t even affect them in the first place. Because same-sex marriage wouldn’t affect the people who are against it. I have never come across a gay person who was against gay marriage, yet all for straight marriage. It’s either all or nothing.

In my opinion, they have three options:

  1. Abolish all marriage.
  2. Give religious people in religious relationships marriage, and everyone else civil unions.
  3. Let couples get married, regardless of gender or religion.

You’d think it would be a simple choice. Religion would be too hard to monitor, so 2’s out. And surely people want to get married, so 1’s out. That leaves 3. See! What a brilliantly simple decision! But apparently some people fail to see that.

I’m straight, and I believe in gay marriage. Good luck meeting me if you don’t.

Things That Piss Me Off

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I found a list of things that annoy me the other day, that I wrote a few years ago. I thought I might post it up here, with a few alterations. So now it shall be a mixture of things that annoy me a bit, and things that really do actually piss me off.

  • Girls who take photos of themselves while thrusting their hips together, hands on hips, arching their backs, and pouting their lips.
  • People who post photos of themselves online with the caption ‘ugh I’m so ugly’. If you think you’re ugly, you hide the picture or photoshop it nice. You’re clearly just seeking compliments.
  • Girls who say “I’m so fat, I’m so fat” all the time to fish for compliments.
  • Girls who do the above, and then when someone finally agrees, they get all bitchy.
  • People who share their own photos on Facebook. As in, post a photo of themselves on Facebook, and then 6 hours later, click the ‘share’ button. Yes, there are people who do this. Yes, this makes me want to eat my own head.
  • People who post photos of food on Facebook. Okay, this doesn’t piss me off as such, I just don’t get it! Why do we need to see your food? Sure, it’s understandable when you’ve made an awesome pool-cake or something, but why do we need to see your boring old salad?!
  • When I need to stretch my toes, but my feet are half asleep, so my toes won’t separate.
  • The fact that I have no control over my sleepy morning self. Yes, sleepy morning me, I did set that alarm for a reason.
  • The fact that I have no control over my sleeping self. Yes, sleeping me, I did put that bandage on for a reason.
  • When people misspell words. Especially easy words. Like spelling lose as ‘loose’. Gaaaahhhhhrrrrrr! Die you people, die!
  • When people use the wrong their/they’re/there.
  • Americans who assume they are the centre of the universe. AKA, 99% of Americans. No, the whole world does not say hard R’s! Yes, humour is spelt with a U! No, you should not have the default English language, especially since ENGLAND INVENTED YOU!
  • TV shows who fail at Aussie accents. Yes, I’m looking at you, LOST. Seriously, how on Earth, does an Australian character, played by an Australian actor, have such a bad Australian accent? No, Aaron is not pronounced Erin.
  • TV shows who try to pass off one accent as another. Yes, I’m looking at you, Prison Break. First you try and pass off a clearly British man as an Australian one. And then you make him say bollocks. And cut off the T while saying “it has”, instead of the H. Real Aussies say “it’as” – not “i’has”.
  • People who are racist against people by excessively claiming racism.
  • People who try too hard not to be racist.
  • People who are racist in general – especially people who are racist against white people. Why do I say that? Because clearly I’m gonna care more about my own race than other people’s. Some people will call that racist. But I just call it common sense.
  • Hypocrites. Although I’m a bit of a hypocrite at times. But that’s cool, because hypocrites can do that.
  • When my nan argues about God and tries to disprove science. And convert us.
  • When people try and claim my ideas as their own.
  • When I really love a song, but can’t remember the name. Or any of the lyrics. Or the artist. Or the tune. Or even somewhere that I’ve heard it before.
  • Wanting something expensive and seeing it everywhere, but when it finally goes on sale, it’s nowhere to be found.
  • Buying something, then going back to find it is on sale.
  • Fur clothing. Faux fur or no fur! Yes! I finally used my slogan!
  • Tony Abbott.
  • People who are against gay marriage. No, not just laws against gay marriage. I do not like individual people who are against gay marriage. It wouldn’t hurt them. It wouldn’t even affect them! Being anti-gay-marriage is just plain mean. I know the use of the word ‘mean’ probably sounds immature, but it is very fitting.
  • Non-gay people who get offended at any (and I really mean any) use of the word ‘gay’, just because they know someone who is. Gay, I mean. And who doesn’t actually get offended by nearly as many things as their non-gay acquaintance.
  • A race/racist/racism-related version of the above statement.
  • People who think goths are evil. 
  • When I open my Caramello Koala or Freddo Frog all nicely (AKA, head first), and the chocolate doesn’t match the wrapper. As in, I get the legs first. Blast you, cadbury! I opened it that way for a reason, Goddammit!
  • Mouth ulcers in such bad spots that the Bonjela won’t stay on. And neither will the salt. Or the Vegemite.
  • Actually, ulcers in general.
  • When I download a movie in iPod format, only to find out that my bloody iPod is a dickhead and doesn’t like it.
  • Even worse, when I convert a movie into iPod format, only to have the same thing happen.
  • The fact that gorgeous bras are just not made for people with giant breasts! Yes, U-Bra company, I actually would like to wear a low-cut dress once in a while!
  • Cinema bitches who accept a birth certificate and not a concession card, and then have the nerve to ask if the person with the birth certificate wants to see the film alone. Yes, because the person with the concession card will just bum around for two hours while their friend sees the movie without them…
  • Cinema bitches like above, but who also don’t even accept parental consent – either in the form of a signature, or even them buying the tickets to give to their children.
  • When I get given Pepsi Max instead of normal Pepsi. Okay, hearing Pepsi Max when I say “Pepsi, thanks” is perfectly understandable. But hearing Pepsi Max when I ask for “Pepsi, please”? Hearing Pepsi Max when I ask for “Pepsi”? Hearing Pepsi Max when I ask for bloody “normal Pepsi”?!
  • The McIdiots who got rid of M&M McFlurries. How did that conversation even go?! “Oh, this dessert has great sales, everyone seems to love it. You know what an awesome idea would be? Let’s get rid of it and sell some crappy attempt at gourmet instead!” Growl.
  • Waking up after an awesome dream.
  • Not having superpowers.

This turned out to be more of a completely new list of things that piss me off. Oh well, the old stuff just wasn’t as pointful.