I have come to the conclusion that I am the best at flirting. And by ‘best’, I do of course mean ‘the actual worst’.
Flirting tips from the Ninja Robot:
- Play werewolf with the person of your affections.
- Get dealt the cupid card.
- Make the lovers the said person and yourself.
Wallah! You have now (un)successfully flirted. Warning: This may or may not (but most likely may) be completely unbeknownst to the other.
This is unusual. When I talk to the original flirter on Facebook, I find myself carrying on the conversation, and not letting it die. And keeping on talking ’til like midnight. And accepting more dates. I may be kinda over the guy I like. Liked. Whatever. I still find him hot, but I have more of a connection with this original flirter. Like talking-wise. I think I need to find a new name for the original flirter. It’s too long and annoying to type.
I am overloaded by people. Specifically, male people. The type who flirt with you. Me. You as in you in general, you in general as in me. This is a strange experience for me. And I am confused. The original flirter is pretty alright. I’m not into him, but I enjoy our conversations. The second one has only just appeared. He’s not really flirting, but he did say ‘hi’ out of the blue today. After having not seen me since high school. That is, after having not seen me in almost two years. That is a bit weird in itself, since we weren’t really friends in high school, and haven’t actually been close since kindergarten. But based on just the ‘hi’, it could be legit. Until you add that little detail that the fourth question, after ‘how are you’, ‘who are you going shopping with’, and ‘what’s new’, was ‘do you have a boyfriend’. And then the fact that he proceeded to call me babe and then compliment my display picture. This is weird. I am so confused. Like, seriously. I am typing this as it happens. Aaand I have just been told I look tastier than the sundae I am eating. O_O
I would not call myself an attractive person. I wouldn’t call myself an ugly person, but I am not attractive. I am plain. I have unhealthy straight hair that hangs there like a dead thing on my cheeks. I have a crooked nose that would be fine if only it pointed straight ahead. I’m fair chubby. I’ve stacked on the kilos and now have 1.5 chins. My boobs are enormous, but I don’t really do anything with them. I just wear t-shirts. I have quite a few pimples, and am not very good at applying make-up. I should lose weight, but I like food and I dislike exercise. Apparently eating less and playing netball once a week doesn’t help, but I can’t be bothered actually trying. I’m not ugly. I could be better, but I’ll never be hot. Which is why I physically cannot understand why people would want to flirt with me. It is such an utterly foreign concept to me, and when it happens, I get confused. Much like I am right now.
But as much as this causes me confusion, it also makes me feel quite powerful. Only a few minutes ago, I told the second guy that I wasn’t interested in him. I felt like I had power over him. And I like these feelings of power! I hope this doesn’t mean I’m going to become some sort of femme fatale. But I really do like this sudden increase in power. I want more. And I now realise how screwed other people would be if I miraculously came across superpowers.