Impossible Inventions


There are some things the world just needs. Unfortunately, many of those things are a tad… impossible.

1. Brain Printer:
We’ve all had it happen to us. In our heads, we imagine it like this:
Mona Lisa
But then once we’ve drawn it, it ends up coming out more like this:
I think we definitely need a ‘print’ button on our brains, so that we can avoid catastrophes like the above lady in the purple dress.

2. Brain Recorder:
I can’t tell you the number of awesome dreams I’ve had that I wanted to have again and again, only for them to be completely forgotten ten minutes after waking up. And what about all those ones where I’ve written a masterpiece song or poem? We need brain recorders so that we can press ‘record’ every night before going to bed, and never have to forget a dream again.

3. Find:
Finding specific words or phrases in printed documents is AIDS. Unlike PDFs, we can’t just press ctrl+f and have our words highlighted for us. Oh no. We actually have to look for them ourselves. At least glossaries have it half-right. But even so. This lack of a non-computer ‘find’ button makes it really hard to choose essay references via skimming.

4. Copy + Paste:
As with the ‘find’ button, copying and pasting is a very important part of life! Surely I’m not the only one who gets driven insane having to copy handwriting onto multiple sheets of paper, or enter information into a computer.

5. Temporary Mind Wipe:
This is one of my more brilliant impossible inventions. I am a huge bookworm, and I particularly love series and the whole fandoms surrounding them. When you’re a fan of a book (or even a television series or film), nothing beats that excitement you get waiting for the next instalment, and that feeling you get upon finally reading/seeing it. Now, I’ve been a huge fan of Harry Potter for over ten years. I started reading the books when I was about eight or so (when only the first four were out), and between the time I started and the time the fifth book was released, I read the first four books over twenty times each. Every time a new book came out, I bought it immediately, and usually had them read within about two days. Then the movies came out, and I had those to be excited about as well, even if they did involve a lot of complaining about important events they cut. When the last book was released, I read it within twenty-four hours. It was thrilling, exciting, tear-inducing, and full of ‘oooh’ moments, and I loved it. It may have been it, but at least I could focus on the fact that the movies were still going. But then they ended as well. I saw the last film with my mum and my sister, and then again with the Melbourne Muggles. But I would never get that new feeling again. I can read them over and over, but that initial feeling of reading something for the first time will never return. And that makes me sad. I would love to be able to temporarily delete things from my memory before reading/watching something, in order to experience that feeling again, and then get all the memories back afterwards. I would love to be able to read Harry Potter for the first time, and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the first time, and meet every other fandom I’m a part of for the first time, all over again.


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