I have already established that I am quite an insecure person. In fact, the other day I even posted an entire paragraph about how I don’t find myself attractive. But there’s more to it. Or rather, more things that go on inside my head that conflict with it.
Sometimes, I have days when my make-up turns out nice. Or when I manage to blow-dry my hair dead-straight like it should be. Or when I wear a really nice bra. And the insecure thing just turns right around, and I basically become a narcissist. I look at myself in the mirror, or the window, or whatever other reflective surface is available at the time. I attempt to take photos to preserve the pretty. With the bra thing, I look down at my boobs every few minutes and give a little smile.
I am a photo person. I like having photos of memories to look back on and smile. I like being in photos – unless I look terrible, then I’ll be horrified – and I like taking photos of other people. But when photos of me exist – and I can tell you, a hell of a lot do – I look at them quite a bit. I’ll look at a nice picture of myself and think “that’s a nice picture”. And I’ll do that a lot. Because you see, even though I’m insanely insecure, and generally hate the way I look, I do still have a fair few narcissistic qualities. And it does not make sense in the slightest.