That bitch has no idea how good she’s got it. I could be out getting smashed every night. I could be a complete slut and sleep with every guy I meet. Why not throw in a few girls too? I’m sure that’d shock her. I could be a complete bitch to her every second of every day. I could actually swear. I could make demands of her. I could hit her. I could stop doing the things I actually do for her. Even though I don’t have a job now, I could just not be at uni working towards a future one. I could spend all my money on booze and cigarettes. I could be a druggie. I could be pregnant. I could have several children to several baby-daddies. In short, I could be 50% of the girls from my high school.
But I’m not. I take her up on her offers to take me places. I let the paranoid bitch take me home when I’d rather be out. I accepted it when she declined my offer to pay rent. I don’t have a job. I can’t have arguments without yelling. I get mad at people when they get mad at me. I cry when I’m mad. I call her on it when she digs for things to tell me off about. I can’t cook. I’m too lazy to clean. I don’t do things fast enough for her liking. I put myself before everyone else, because I’m into self-preservation. I don’t apologise.
But I’m polite. I don’t swear. I’m a virgin. I make her cups of tea because she’s too goddamn lazy to make them herself. I don’t ask her for anything except permission. I’m working towards a future.
But apparently I’m the only person in this house who doesn’t know how good they’ve got it. Apparently I should appreciate my mother more, instead of the other way around. Well I’m sorry mum. I’m sorry mostly good isn’t good enough for you. I’m sorry you’ve been a complete bitch ever since dad left. I’m sorry I’m not perfect. I’m sorry you’re such a hypocrite. I’m sorry you feel the need to criticise everything I do. I’m sorry you’re so stupid that you find self-preservation selfish. But most of all, I’m sorry I’m your daughter.