Ah, sleep. I love sleeping. Why? Because I dream. I love dreaming. It’s like living in a world where everything is weird and anything is possible. It’s why I daydream so much. Although daydreaming is a pretty cheap imitation. You know it’s not real. When you dream, it’s real. But I suppose… I can choose my daydreams. I can’t choose my dreams. But not for lack of trying, I can tell you that.
But anyway, in this post, I shall tell you about some of the weird dreams I have had during my time asleep.
I was with three non-existent friends – Jake, a hot emo guy, his slutty bitch of a girlfriend, and a gay guy called Dean – and we were on our way to an unknown destination. Our destination was out woop-woop, and the way there was all dusty and sandy, like a desert. As we walked, we came across a random staircase, and just as we were about to go down them, the slut pushed Jake down the stairs, and he broke his ankle. We asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital, but he said “No! We must go on!”. So we kept walking until we finally got to our destination, which turned out to be a pub. Dean, the slut and I all wanted to sit up on the balcony, so we went upstairs while Jake stayed downstairs. When we got upstairs, however, we found that the only way to the balcony was through a tiny hole in the wall about the size of my fists. There was no way I could fit through there, so I went back downstairs, although somehow, the other two still could, so they stayed up there. When I got back downstairs, I ran into my (real) friend Reannon, who asked me if I could churn butter. To which I said “No, but Jake can,” and pointed to Jake, who was sitting on a barrel churning butter.
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Last year (or possibly the year before) I was on a major Buffy binge, which resulted in a fair few dreams about it. In one of the dreams, I was with a bunch of other girls in a garage. I sat down in a place in the circle, and Spike (who was my boyfriend in the dream) sat down beside me and held my hand. I was talking with the other girls about something that it was apparently my turn to do. Me and Spike went back outside, and we were at the school (my high school at the time). It was overrun with demons and I had to find my friend Hope. Somehow, me and Spike got separated, and while I was alone, I spotted Hope going up some stairs. I called out with her and tried to follow, but the stairs just kept growing. Then they turned into a slide and I slid all the way to the bottom. I gave up on Hope and started to look for Spike. I finally found him, and he was with our rivals, Buffy and Angel, who he had run into when I was going after Hope. I gave Spike a look, which he returned, and we grabbed each others’ hands and walked off.
Later on (same night but different dream I think), I was with my ‘friend’ Anya (actually a Buffy character), and we were looking for a place to eat. Anya suggested that we go to the Twilight restaurant. I had never heard of it before, but I agreed anyway. So Anya used her magic to turn it into midnight (AKA twilight), and took me to Hungry Jacks. For some reason, there was a table and chairs in the car park, so we sat down there. I had a bowl of rice with me, and Anya tried to turn it into stir-fry, but for some reason her powers weren’t working properly, and she only got as far as adding some sauce.
Another night, I had another dream about Spike. We were at the school together again, and he was wearing the same clothes, hair and make-up that he wore in the 70’s or 80’s. The look that Billy Idol stole from him. He was also wearing the coat. That long, sexy, black leather duster. There was the occasional demon around, but we only had eyes for each other. But then, somehow, we got separated. I asked someone if they had seen him, and they pointed me toward the coffee van. I finally found him there, but something was different. The eyeliner was gone and his hair was slicked back. His black sleeveless top and chains were gone too, and had been replaced by the red shirt, although he was still wearing the duster. But he had changed too – he was different in himself. I went to him, and I could see in his eyes that his feelings for me weren’t there anymore, not like five minutes and one outfit ago. He told me he was gay and broke it off.
Three of us were at the primary school – me, another girl, and a guy. I can’t remember what we were doing there, but all of a sudden, people were trying to kill us, and we had to escape. We ran down the hill, but first we had to jump over a small fence. We kept running, and it was strange, because I could actually run really fast in this dream, and not in slow motion like other dreams. I was running even faster than in real life (which really isn’t hard). Anyway, when we got to the bottom of the hill, there was a taller fence that we needed to jump over. We leaped towards it from further back, where the ground was higher, and struggled over it. We noticed that a really fast guard dog with sharp, slobbering teeth was pretty close behind. We kept running, and as we got to Settlement Rd, I turned left while the others turned right. I noticed I was alone, and thought maybe the dog had followed my friends instead of me. I kept running until I got to a huge house at the end of the street. It had a wooden beam leading up to the second floor, so I ran up it. I banged and banged on the door, until finally, the owner let me in. I yelled at her to call the police, but she wouldn’t. Then, all of a sudden, the leader of the people who were trying to kill us appeared. I pulled out my mobile and called the police myself, but when I described the leader as Indian, the operator told me I was racist, thought I was playing a prank, and hung up on me.
Then, all of a sudden, my friends and I were in a shop in the city, along with three of the people trying to kill us. I pulled out my two guns (yes, for some reason I had guns now) and shot the two baddies on the left and right. The one in the middle that I hadn’t shot was big and burly with dark eyes, dark hair, and a dark beard, and he had a gun. I reloaded my guns Underworld-style, by throwing them in the air and tapping them together behind my back. That’s all I did – I didn’t actually put new bullets in, but I guess that’s enough for reloading in dream-world. I jumped up and did a big flip, and in midair, knocked the baddy’s gun out of his hands. Apparently, that was enough to ‘take care of him’, because after that, apparently all three henchmen were taken care of. We then walked to the street corner, where we found Hayley. She said “I didn’t think shooting a gun would make me fall over”. Apparently she had been there during our shop battle, and had fired a gun, only to have the recoil make her fall over.
Then, all of a sudden, we were at the cinemas, watching Little Miss Sunshine (even though it was nothing like the real movie). Apparently we were celebrating the defeat of all the baddies, including the leader, which we didn’t even see the fight of. After the movie, someone asked me if I liked it, and I said it was better than I thought it would be. Then we had to vote on something, using bizarre ballot cards that were actually books. I made my vote and handed it in to my mum, who was the scanner of the votes. She said I had to make confession first, before my vote could be scanned. ‘Confession’ was actually signing the due date slip at the back of the book, and writing something on it, usually about confidentiality. I wrote on my confession: “I promise to keep this confidential. I also promise not to be a slut.” Then mum, Tara and I all laughed about what I had written.
We were doing the Legal Studies exam, but most of the questions weren’t even about legal. The books were written in, and for some reason, the first half of the booklet was the maths exam. Before we could even start, we had to erase what people had already written. When we finally got to the legal part, half the questions weren’t even related to legal! I worked through it until I got to the last question, which was the essay question with two choices. The first choice was: “Whenever you go to Spongebob’s cafe, there is never any parking. Explain the justice of this.” and the second choice was: “Do you like school? Do you have any friends?”. Even though the second question was way easier, and, both would be counted because they were already in the exam in the first place, I chose the first one. Simply because it contained the word ‘justice’, which made it seem more legally, and it seemed fitting to me, since I was doing a legal exam.
Not long ago, I had a dream where I was in a competition against a bunch of other people, in which we competed in pairs. My partner ended up being Jeff from Community. I assume I was dreaming about him because I’ve been watching Community lately, and am super-obsessed with his nose, which is cute and upturned and pixie-like. But anyway, the first task was a boat race. Or, rather, a raft race. In my group, I had to go first, and I absolutely sucked. I was reeeally slow. But when it was Jeff’s turn, even though everyone else had a huge head-start, Jeff still managed to beat them all, because he was just so awesome. The second task was driving a real car around a go-kart track. I tried to have a go, but I absolutely failed, and couldn’t even get the Volkswagen Beetle we were driving (which kept changing colour between red and green) out of the garage (which, incidentally, had vines for doors). I wasted heaps of time trying to start the darn thing, but I eventually told Jeff that he would have to drive, as I didn’t have my license.
Lately I’ve been obsessed with bare feet. I blame this on the music videos for Pure Morning and You Don’t Care About Us, in which we get a lovely view of Brian Molko’s bare feet, with nice black polished toenails. But anyway, I had a dream about my own feet. I dreamed that my second toes were longer than my big toes, and I was devastated.